as promised, i'm writing one last post from singapore before i close this blog. it's been almost seven months since i left home but my flight to graz via munich leaves tonight. i'm coming home :)
but first, can i just say that the world outside of india is just strange. i think this feeling mainly comes from the fact that singapore is an extreme example of the modern, western, 'civilized' world.. it's extremely clean and the focus of the entire place is simply consumerism. india seems very fara away when i try to think of it now and it's only when i look at pictures that i remember what it all felt, smelled and tasted like. needless to say, i miss india already. the colours, the food, the people, the kids, the calmness of the place. singapore is more than just bustling, singapore never sleeps. singapore even made me spend more money within the first week than i had spent in india in my entire half year (however, i don't feel guilty) :)
i've noticed that i've pretty much settled into the same way of living again, it's as though everything i learnt in india is just too difficult to implement immediately. so yes, i go to starbucks and buy coffee that's way too expensive, i go out drinking, i eat a bit of meat, and i don't do yoga or meditate anymore. however, i'm planning to change my ways again once i've settled in in austria again. but apart from those trivial things that i can NOT implement, there's many mental and psychological aspects of having gone to such a far place that have undoubtedly broadened my horizon and changed my way of thinking and perception. i've become a lot calmer, more attentive and aware, and have even less fear of the unknown than before. i feel that i've grown immensely - from that perspective, it was all a huge success. so i went to visit my friend erich, who owns the last 'sausage stand before the equator' in chinatown. he's austrian and has lived in singapore for 15 years and he met me before i left. when i came to visit him again, he gave me a free sausage :)
it's incredible how we're such creatures of habit. to me it felt like this major culture shock between india and singapore never really happened. i wasn't struck with confusion the moment i landed (as i had secretly hoped) but came back to a place that's very familiar and for which i must have somehow unconsciously prepared myself. what i noticed immediately was the fact that you can show shoulders and ankles here as a woman. in fact, the majority of young girls actually look kind of (pardon me) slutty to tell you the truth. on the other hand, not every man in singapore wears a crisp white shirt and has a neat moustache. although the homogenous appearance of indians might seem like a minor human rights 'violation' at first, you learn to appreciate it after some time. at least it made me notice how dependent we are on desperately trying to express ourselves through superficial things like appearance rather than focusing on the more personal aspect of it.
do you remember how i always used to go on about those church bells and prayers that woke me up at 5am every day? honestly, i really miss them. i miss the chaos and the sounds of india. the streets just look sooo boring. no cars trying to overtake illegaly, NO HONKING. everyone sticks to the rules, there are no unnecessary sounds, no risk-taking. not that that's a bad thing, i mean, it's obviously a lot safer but it almost seems like we're limiting ourselves in daily life when everything might as well all be stepping over our boundaries a bit more.
food. it surely is a nice change to only have to eat when you're hungry rather than having to eat three times a day out of politeness. however, i miss those little culinary explosions in my mouth when esther would try some new recipes on me (many times she tried to smuggle meat into my dishes because she couldn't believe i wasn't eating it haha) i mean the food here is great, really, but when you look at indian restaurants they mostly only serve north indian food and not idlis or dosai. were my cooking skills not so catastrophic, i would even attempt to cook myself something south indian back in austria but..well :)
the things i have listed so far are mostly trivial i guess, because what i miss most of all are all the people i've met in india. their curiosity, their friendliness, their generosity and quite simply their trust. people have told me that when you come to a western country after having been to india, you're struck by how 'unfriendly' everybody is. in india it's custom to just smile and walk up to someone, asking how they are and where they're from (and if they're married). here, smile at someone and they immediately think that a) either you're flirting or b) trying to rob them. in my eyes, people are friendly, yes, but not genuinely interested in you as a person. how big are the chances you're invited to someone's house to meet their entire family, grandparents and all, after you've just met them on the street? too bad that my teacher friends don't have computers and thereby don't have email IDs.. but it's a good excuse to write old fashioned letters again, i guess. like i've said before, i don't want to be one of those volunteers who goes to a country, does their job and then comes back, never to return again. the people i've met in perumalmalai have become like a family to me and treated me like their own, i definitely want to make this a continuous co-operation/partnership, whatever you may call it. also concerning the children, i want to know that i've possibly contributed to making a lasting difference in their life, however small. and on the bright side, for my friends, i can now do tamil nursery rhymes.
and speaking of the language tamil itself, i thought that i would have a great time speaking in tamil to the people living in little india here. FAIL. i honestly think that my tamil is a really weird dialect (would make sense seeing as my village is literally in the middle of nowhere) because i can understand only about 10% of the things they're saying, as opposed to the 90% of the things my colleagues were saying. no the bright side, i can read and write it very well (which doesn't mean that i necessarily understand all of it though haha) and can proudly walk through little india reading all the shop signs and newspapers (even though i'm still very slow).
like i said, india seems very far away and i think i need to gain more distance to the place before i can fully fathom all the differences and the full effect of that it did to me. in the meanwhile, i was enjoying singapore. by the pool, in air-conditioned shopping centers, and in bars. singapore is great like that, as a woman you get free drinks almost everywhere every wednesday. free flow too. just yesterday i went out with cat, my father's wife, to the top of a luxury skyscraper to see the singapore skyline by night, whilst sipping expensive beer (that we got for free. to women!) it's easy to enjoy life here while saving a lot of money. getting used to the pace of the world outside the calmness of the palani hills.
and in precisely 9 hours my flight back home to austria is leaving. i literally cannot wait, i've missed the place (wow, never thought i would say that!) and most of all, i've missed my friends. i wonder if i can still speak german or if it's like when i came back from the US the last time..german seemed like a very, very foreign language :D once again thank you for reading about all of my experiences, hereby i am closing this blog :) THANK YOU & TAKE CARE and i'll see you soon!
